Island of Misfit Toys: What was Wrong with Dolly?
Behind the scenes of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
There’s nothing I love more at the holidays than a good Rankin/Bass Christmas special. I watch them all: Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, Frosty the Snowman, The Year without a Santa Claus … and especially Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
As you may recall, Rudolph featured the Island of Misfit Toys, a remote island where undesirable toys were banished, never to be enjoyed by any children. The toys kindly explained to us (during a song, of course) why each of them was a Misfit. And honestly, I think their “defects” - if you could even call them that - are a bit lame.
The elephant? He had spots. And??? What’s the problem here? If being a little extra is a crime, then handcuff me.
The train: Okay, so he had square wheels. But that can be fixed, right? Simple. Hand him over to a pit crew.
Water gun: Now this one is ridiculous; it shoots jelly. So empty it out and fill it with water, folks. Easy peasy.
Charlie-in-the-Box: Come on now. Bring that guy down to the courthouse, get some proper paperwork filed, and change his name to Jack! Done.
Honestly, the only toy that even has a legit case is the plane. It’s a bit wonky, and it doesn’t fly. But most toy planes don’t fly anyway, so again I don’t see an issue. Kids can use their hands.
So now this brings us to Dolly.
Didn’t you always wonder what was wrong with Dolly, the red-haired rag doll? She seemed perfectly fine, right? No visible defects, at least.
Of course my wondering mind had to consult Google, who told me that she’s a misfit because she suffers from clinical depression and abandonment trauma after being left behind by her owner.
What? That is some pretty dark stuff, Mr. Arthur Rankin, Jr.
Frankly, I’m not buying this. I feel like there is something more sinister there. Dolly probably had some other controversial past that caused her to be banished to the island. In fact, I think there could be many reasons. Ten, in fact.
Top Ten Reasons Why Dolly Was Banished to the Island of Misfit Toys
10 - Was #TeamJeremiah
9 - Had three nipples
8 - Was the only Android user in her friend group chat
7 - Was framed by that bitch Holly Hobby
6 - Shared too many attention-seeking ambiguous Facebook posts
5 - Didn’t turn her phone to airplane mode on that one flight
4 - Ate all the “good” Jelly Beans
3 - Refused to watch any of her friends’ Netflix suggestions
2 - Wore iconic 80’s band t-shirts but couldn’t name any of their songs
And the number one reason why Dolly was banished to the Island of Misfit Toys?
She was a Chicago Bears Fan.
Well there you have it folks … and while I’m here, let me just add:
p.s. Go Pack Go this weekend! Beat the Bears!