Irritated in the Drive Thru: A Gen X Rant

I’ve noticed a pattern at the drive-thru lately, and it’s irritating enough that it calls for a good old-fashioned rant. Here we go:

I don’t really go through many drive-thrus, but it seems that lately whenever I do, the person taking my order did not listen to a Single. Word. I. Said. Zilch. Nada. No entiendo. That person may as well have stepped out back by the dumpsters for a smoke break, because it’s like I never even existed.

Here’s the confusing thing: the initial greeting starts off strong, so this gives me hope. And no, it’s not the recorded voice that asks me if I want to try their special new meal, or wonders if I’m using the app. (By the way, don’t get me started on the weirdness of answering those questions when I know it’s not a real person, followed by the awkward silence of wondering when the live person is going to actually come and take my order. I feel like a giant jackass sitting there wondering when the real voice is going to show up.) After that initial contact normal, pleasant contact, it’s as if they can’t quite muster the actual act of listening.

And here’s what pains me the most: it seems to happen at a very respectable chain that is near and dear to my Wisconsin-born heart. Yes, sadly we are talking about you, Culver’s.

I’m not sure what happened … maybe they save all their all-stars for the dining room registers? Because honestly for the most part, Culver’s has their shit together, and they know how to hire good people. But here is how my orders have gone recently:

C: Welcome to Culver’s, what can I make fresh for you today?

Me: Hi, could I have a Butterburger with cheese meal, with ketchup, mustard, and pickles please? (Note: sometimes I even use the official Culver’s language of “the works with no onions” because well … let’s just say I am Culver’s-experienced. Culver’s-forward?)

Another note: At this point she should really just be asking me what my drink order is, since fries are the default side. But that doesn’t happen.

C: Okay that Butterburger is automatically a double, is that okay?

Uh … no?? I said nothing about a double. And by the way I find that a bit sneaky, Culver’s. I expected better from you.

Me: No, just a single.

C: Okay and did you want cheese on that?

Me: (cringing more)Yes.

C: And ketchup, mustard, pickles, and onions?

Me: (Oh Lord she did not just ask me that). No, no onions.

C: Okay and did you want that in a meal?

At this point I find myself dangerously close to going all Larry David on her: irritated, incredulous, and on the verge of calling out the fact that I already told her ALL OF THESE THINGS when I initially ordered. What should my approach be here? Confusion? Asking her if something was wrong with the intercom earlier? Of course I remain polite through clenched teeth. It doesn’t help that I am a bit hangry.

Me: Yes, please.

C: Fries and a Coke okay? (p.s the only acceptable questions here)

Me: Yes.

I pull around to pay and wait for my meal, and the meal runner bounds out the side door all chipper as he hands me the bag, and asks me if he can do anything else for me.

Damnit, Culver’s, I can’t stay mad at you …