I judge. You judge. We all judge. You might think you don’t judge, but you probably do. It’s hard not to, right? You sit on a bench and people-watch long enough, and you’re bound to form some opinions about people you’ve never even met. You may be right in most cases … but isn’t it wonderful when you are very wrong?
There have been a few situations lately where I clearly misjudged, and I’m here to tell you all about them.
Case #1: Donut Man, Winter Haven, Florida
Whenever we make the road trip up the middle of Florida on our way to Walt Disney World, we pass through several small towns that can only be described as, “How the hell did people end up here?” And every time we pass through Winter Haven, Florida, there is a small concrete building next to a gas station with the words '“DONUT MAN” spraypainted on it. It looks shady AF. My husband has countlessly pestered and joked (?) that we are going to stop for a donut sometime, to which I always answer, “Sure, if I want my donut sprinkled with meth!”
Alas, a few Sundays ago his dream came true. He took matters into his own hands and made a quick swerve into Donut Man’s parking lot before I could even protest. I locked the car doors, looked around for things I could use as a weapon, and waited.
Bonus footage: My friends and I approaching the Donut Man building. (Oh wait - I may have mixed that up with the Brazilian place in Bridesmaids. But you get the gist.)
And here is where I issue my deepest, most sincere apology to Donut Man.
Because that donut was positively exquisite.
As my husband pulled the Bear Claw out of its paper bag, the first thing I noticed was its perfect shape. It truly looked like a bear claw, right down to its perfectly shaped toes … er … claws. It was pillowy and doughy and stuffed with a delightful apple filling that left us both speechless. And I now know why I am not a food critic, because I cannot adequately express in words just how delicious this donut was. My husband and I looked at each other and said, “Two toes up for Donut Man!”
I misjudged.
Case #2: The Jersey Shore/Long Island Couple
No surprise here, my second example also has a Disney connection. Here it is:
Maybe against our better judgement, my husband and I got in line for a very popular bar at Epcot. It’s actually a bar inside a restaurant, but the bar only has 10 seats. You never really know how long your wait will be; it could be 30 minutes; it could be more.
We decided to take our chances, and we got in line behind another couple. Well, long story short … our wait to get into the bar ended up being 90 minutes. I know, I know. Ridiculous. But it was one of those things where you say well, we came this far … may as well wait it out. The whole sunken cost argument, blah blah blah.
But honestly the wait didn’t even seem that bad because we totally hit it off with another couple in line. Now at first glance they looked like 50-something versions of the Jersey Shore cast, only more tasteful. The husband was clearly hitting the weights hard every single day, and he sported the obligatory tank top which could best highlight his massive biceps and neck. I was vaguely reminded of that one time Samantha Jones took home the beefy but dumb-as-a-bag-of-hair firefighter from Staten Island. (By the way, this couple was from Long Island.)
His wife … well, she looked like the kind of gal this guy would be attracted to. Long dark hair, very tan, some tattoos, lots of jewelry, cleavage, long acrylic nails … kind of Real Housewives of New Jersey vibes, but prettier and more natural. (Well, not all of her was natural, but she wasn’t too done.)
I chuckled to myself when he mentioned something about an NYPD fundraiser … I wondered if he was a cop or a firefighter? Nope. Neither. This guy was a criminal psychologist. He dealt with some dark, intense stuff from his patients every single day. At one point he started telling us about some spat he and the wife had, and then added, “Hey, our problems are absolutely nothing. These things are ridiculous in comparison to the things I hear every day, and the horrific things people have gone through. Our life is good.”
My husband and I had shot each other a knowing look. Was this the universe in action? Because eerily enough, the night before our trip my husband and I had gotten into a rare fight, and the first 30 minutes of our ride to Disney was spent in silence before we talked it out. Beefy Long Island guy (or should I say Doctor Beefy Long Island) guy was incredible right of course.
And then … we find out that his wife was a school psychologist, so you know what kind of hell she must deal with every week. These people were angels in our eyes.
The more we spoke with them, the more we had in common, and the more it sounded like they had built a fantastic, lovely family together. Sure, there may have been plenty of gym, tan, laundry going on … but here they were doing these incredibly hard jobs (that require some hefty degrees and countless hours of practice, I might add), and the husband even found time to do some community acting gigs with his super talented son. He was the least likely Renaissance Man you ever did see.
So, here’s to you, Long Island couple … cheers. I was so wrong about you. I misjudged you based on your appearances alone, and I hope we meet up again at Disney soon. We’d love to be your friends.